My mom, since the beginning of time, has held onto cars until their death. A true believer in really getting your money’s worth, we had the ‘Loser Cruiser’ and ‘Grocery Getter’ for YEARS. Now, I really shouldn’t poke fun at the loser cruiser. It was this gold Oldsmobile that admittedly I actually liked because it was my only mode of transportation. Just the other day I was telling the hubs that for my 16th birthday, my parents actually put in a nice little CD player in since mom and I had to share the car. Frankly, looking back, I’m just grateful they let me share a car at all, the CD player was just an awesome bonus.
So, eventually, that car moved on, we all grew up and got new cars. The Suz, still determined to hang onto cars forever finally wanted to bite the bullet and get a new ride, all for herself. Her and my dad must have looked for years. She went back and forth, always looking for something that might be big enough for the whole family. She was concerned that on the off chance we all wanted to go on a road trip together, we’d have to take two cars. We tried numerous times to explain to her that smushing 6 adults (and NOT skinny ones) and 2 car seats just wasn’t a really realistic goal. And when i say she looked at and test drove probably 100 cars, that is NOT an exaggeration folks. She was legit. It had to be perfect.
She finally settled on what she claimed to be the perfect car. It was a gigantic SUV, the kind you see stepford soccer moms driving around, and low and behold, would fit all freaking 8 of us on a family trip. This car was over the top huge y’all. I’m talking needing a step ladder to get up into it. We tried to discourage her from getting it, knowing that she could really get something much smaller and more realistic since no one was actually going to pile in that car for a road trip that lasted more than 10 minutes. But she had to have it. And if she was doing it, she was doing it right- fully loaded.
Sh was so proud when they brought that car home. I mean, talk about a woman over the moon with excitement. Her whole family would fit, it had heated seats, a sun roof- what more could you ask for? Well, the car should have come with a prescription of Xanax.
So, I’m at home checking my bank account for some random reason, and suddenly notice that I’ve inherited about $20,000. I mean, clearly I was excited hoping that I had won some sort of prize or that the bank made some mistake and owed me 20k and was just giving me my money. But because I share an account with my mom, I could see that it was from her. And I thought to myself, “I wonder if she knows she did this?” I mean, hindsight being 20/20, I should have pretended I didn’t notice and immediately purchased tickets to Hawaii or something. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
So I call the Suz to ask about this newfound cash advance and she sounded panicked. I mean, PANICKED. She kept going on and on about how getting this car was such a terrible idea, what the hell was she thinking? How could we let her do this? Sensing she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I went to the house to see what was up.
This is what she did y’all:
Step 1: Get excited and write a check for the down payment of the SUV
Step 2: Go home and panic since you don’t want the SUV anymore
Step 3: Transfer all of your money from your account to your daughters to “hide” the money
Step 4: Avoid prison
Yup, that’s right. She panicked and took all of the car money that she’d written a check for, and transferred it OUT of her account and INTO mine, and then told me not to touch it she was “working on it.” My dad about had heart failure, because my mom did NOT think this through and while it was kind of hilarious (well, it is NOW), it was clearly fraud. So, I’m now sitting on the sofa listening to him explain to her why this counts as fraud while she’s trying to defend herself, and I’m like “omg, should I get her a Xanax or a beer? Like is she going to be ok?”
Ultimately, she transferred the money back and then made my dad go back to the dealership and tell them that they didn’t actually want that car, but could they just get this other one instead and thankfully it all worked out. But it was a rough few days for the Suz. We all started referring to this SUV as “the fraud mobile” which she was not super impressed with but thankfully can look back now and find the humor in it.
Thank goodness for good drugs and husbands that are willing to take one for the team and get you a different car!